The deMented Mom

Though I've been 'missing' from the blogosphere of late, I have been lurking in among the myriad blogs out there, sussing out the good and the bad, the funny and the sad, trying to figure out where I fit in amongst the crowd. There are fantastic blogs out there; ones I return to again and again. Those whose posts I am so loathe to miss that I have them delivered to my inbox as soon as they are posted. I have learned some invaluable lessons about blogging during my hiatus. Lessons I intend to implement to take this damn blog in hand. Here are a few of those 'pearls of wisdom' that I have absorbed in my blogosphere travels: 1. Don't feel pressured to post every single day. I would much rather read two or three phenomenal and relevant posts in a week rather than seven mediocre and irrelevant ones. 2. Keep it pithy. Like I said, there are so many blogs out there to consume. If it's too wordy, I tend to skip that read for the day..just saying.. 3. B...

Me: Do you think they have 'family' rooms on the psychiatric unit? DH: Who in the hell would want to room with their family? When I lose my shit I'm going into seclusion

I really didn't want to do it, I didn't want to wade into this silly photoshop /body double war. As most of you already know, Ms. Moore was photographed for the December cover of W magazine. Since the public release of said photo, every Joe Blow Blogger has been spewing their opinion as to the validity/authenticity of this photo. OBVIOUSLY the freaking pic is photoshopped ...ALL magazine cover shots are photoshopped . The voracious appetite we celebrity haters worshippers have for reams of impossibly beautiful photos of our idols practically demands it. A lot of the blogs are claiming that Demi's head was superimposed on this picture of model Ana Rubjik as she glided down the catwalk in this uber -sexy Balmain dress. Really? Isn't that a bit of a stretch? Frankly, I really don't think Demi's body is so hideous in all it’s middle aged glory that it needs to be completely replaced in order to sell a magazine. Yes, I know she's *gasp* 47...far t...

As if this topic hasn't been done to death (seriously, no tasteless pun intended),I feel compelled to add my two dollars worth. This story caught my eye this morning and I just about blew coffee out my nose. Come on people...were you beating the crap out of each other for sneezing and coughing a year ago? NO? Consider this: The seasonal flu is more likely to lead to hospitalization or even death, as it kills roughly 35,000 each year. (source: MSN Health) How about a few more: More than 25 million people have died from AIDs (up to July 2007) 50 000 people die EACH month from AIDs in Africa Every year 80 000 people die from tuberculosis Malaria is one of the planet's deadliest diseases and one of the leading causes of sickness and death in the developing world. According to the World Health Organization there are 300 to 500 million clinical cases of malaria each year resulting in 1.5 to 2.7 million deaths . I'm at a loss. Why the media hype? Why the hys...

I dare any of you to deny it. I don't care how many of you declare that your family/kids/husband/dog/friends blah, blah, blah, come first, you are full of shit. We are individuals. We journey into this world alone and we leave it alone. It's all about survival. We are biological entities whose main interest is survival above all else. Of course I love my husband and kids; I love them more than anything. I would gladly take a bullet for any of them without a second thought. But my husband has this irritating habit of frequently stating "It's not all about you, you know". I usually take this bit of criticism, flip him the bird (in my mind) and humbly acknowledge that nothing is about me at all and how could I be so selfish as to consider my self interests at all. So today I snapped. When did my Person Card expire? When I got married? When I had children? When I was born a girl in the first place? Ok, maybe I'm a bit of a navel gazer. I'm not above ...

Me: Do you think they have 'family' rooms on the psychiatric unit? DH: Who in the hell would want to room with their family? When I lose my shit I'm going into seclusion

I realized something that took me by surprise last week. We were away camping and despite my good intentions I only managed a 12k and a 6k tempo run for the entire week. (I biked and swam but the perfectionist in me figures this doesn't count). By the end of that week, I felt jittery, irritable, jumpy and just plain shitty. I could not figure out what my problem was. Not PMS, not alcohol withdrawal (though camping does entail a bit of imbibing) and something a bit more than just plain bitchiness. Holy crap, I was actually going through exercise withdrawal. I mean, I had heard other runners talking about the 'runner's high' and being 'addicted' to the sport but I really didn't pay much attention to it...everyone tends to wax prosaic about their chosen obsession. A quick Google search came up with scads of articles debating whether or not this 'addiction-withdrawal' phenomenon actually exists. A great article in the Science Daily published in Ma...

I realized something that took me by surprise last week. We were away camping and despite my good intentions I only managed a 12k and a 6k tempo run for the entire week. (I biked and swam but the perfectionist in me figures this doesn't count). By the end of that week, I felt jittery, irritable, jumpy and just plain shitty. I could not figure out what my problem was. Not PMS, not alcohol withdrawal (though camping does entail a bit of imbibing) and something a bit more than just plain bitchiness. Holy crap, I was actually going through exercise withdrawal. I mean, I had heard other runners talking about the 'runner's high' and being 'addicted' to the sport but I really didn't pay much attention to it...everyone tends to wax prosaic about their chosen obsession. A quick Google search came up with scads of articles debating whether or not this 'addiction-withdrawal' phenomenon actually exists. A great article in the Science Daily published in Ma...

Well I spent the day at the mall with my two daughters on that eagerly awaited yearly jaunt to hemorrhage money on those 'back-to-school' outfits that they "have to have" and end up languishing in the closet because they are too uncomfortable/short/long/tight/loose/scratchy/dorky, to be worn. I LOVE to shop. It's my Valium washed down with a Cosmo, I swear. Shopping with a pre-pubescent Miley Cyrus wanna-be and a 13 year old who seriously thinks her mother is beyond redemption is not my favorite way to part with my cash but a necessary evil forced upon me as penance for the torture I inflicted on MY parents. Apparently I'm not one of the lucky ones with horseshoes up my ass. Casually flipping through the clothing I had this flash of deja vu...I looked up and around the store-Leggings, big sweaters and sweatshirts, flannel shirts, hip slung belts, ankle boots, wristlet purses, LEG WARMERS, short jackets and skinny jeans. The only thing missing were sequine...

Despite what some of the more cynical blog reviewers would have you believe...I don't really think that 'bad parenting' is something that we, as a blogging group are proudly proclaiming as being a badge of honor amongst us. For some reason, when a MB chooses to share some of her more, let's say, humble moments of parenting with her fellow bloggers, she's allowing all of us to breathe that collective sigh of relief knowing that "I'm not the only one who has said/done that". Called a 'bitch' and 'ugly' by my own mom, nice eh??? Thanks :-)) OUCH! When I saw this Facebook status update posted by my own 13 year old daughter I was immediately transported back to my own adolescence and reminded of similar scenes that played out between my mother and I. I won't regale you with the details but needless to say, my mother and I did not enjoy a warm, close mother/daughter relationship while I was growing up and remain somewhat estranged...

I've been doing some cross training to try and shave some valuable minutes off my time for the Royal Victoria Marathon in October. One of these activities is swimming. I've really resisted the idea of adding swimming to my training as quite honestly I haven't swum any great distance or speed since I was a teenager MANY more decades ago than I care to admit. I donned that matronly workout bathing suit; strapped on those goggles, the suction from which makes my eye balls feel like they are going to pop right out; safely ensconced my children with their swimming classes and hopped into that pool. Holy mother of Gosh! They aren't kidding when they say that swimming is one of the best all over work outs. I thought that I had great cardio capacity and that this would be a piece of cake. I managed to eke out 400m (not front crawl..be serious) before clutching onto the side of the pool for dear life to try and get some precious air into my lungs once again. I just have ...

Apropos of yesterday's rant. Being the needy woman that I am I asked my husband if I could get some "maintenance" done on my face. I figured that if he had to, he'd lie to spare my fragile feelings. DH: What would you have done? Me: Well, you know, this thing between my eyebrows called the "Bitch Wrinkle" DH: Now that you mention it...It does kind of look like a vagina on your forehead. Now I know what DH really stands for: Dick Head.

I've been fuming, muttering and bitching for a couple of days now. Nothing new really but I think I'm justified this time. Behold this attempt at humour by Sarah Hampson of The Globe and Mail : Welcome to Midlife, complete with Bingo Wings and Vampire Dinner Lips In a nutshell, Ms. Hampson goes on to describe the 'cute' names that have been given to various body parts on a middle aged woman: bitch wrinkle, bingo arms, vampire dinner lips and diaper butt to name a few. If you need me to actually identify which body parts go with which moniker, you're too young to be reading my blog and should take your wrinkle-free butt elsewhere. Call me vain and shallow, my loved ones frequently do, but I'm really having a tough time with this aging thing. Love it or hate it, eternal youth is the Holy Grail for a lot of women. I'd hate to put myself in that camp. I like to think of myself as far more centered and accepting of the changes that I'm noticing. But *f...

What the heck is going on with the weather here on the West Coast of BC? Known for our temperate climate and copious amounts of rain, this heat wave is literally kicking the shit out of me. Week 5 (I think, it's all a blur) in my half marathon training and I've been reduced to water running and biking in an attempt to maintain my cardio and NOT die of heat exhaustion in the process. I have to say, it's just not the same. I really miss that runner's high that I've come to rely on to keep the dose of my antidepressant at a reasonable level. My kids are begging me to run and even my husband is hinting, not so subtly, that our relationship may benefit from a little road time. I decided that family happiness and my own sanity were worth more than a pesky bit of heat stroke so I sucked it up and joined my group to do some hill training on Thursday. I never realized how much one person can actually sweat in an hour of exercise. I swear my running shoes were making squelchi...

I am my own worse enemy. Week seven in my half marathon training and I am at the same weight, which is 10 pounds more than I want to be. I've downloaded the 'Lose It' app on my iphone, signed up for 100 Push Ups and 200 Sit Ups . But I have utterly, and absolutely fallen off the wagon. Oh, I still run my scheduled runs four days a week but in between I am filling my face with whatever I want, I followed the 100's programs for exactly three days, and I continue with my nightly glass (or 3) of antioxidants. Add to that, my running buddy is experiencing the wonders that is a marriage breakdown. Sooo...we packed up our kids and went camping last week. Good intentions put aside, we spent the week eating and drinking away the stresses without fully appreciating that we were only adding to them. On the plus side, my ever-suffering and supportive hubby bought me a brand new hybrid bike to add to my cross-training efforts. So with new resolve I took off on my new ride and found...

With a vengence I might add. It's been a struggle, I won't lie. I have taken to logging my intake with an App on my iphone called 'Lose It' . Wow, if you haven't yet taken a couple of days and written down every single morsel that you shove into your gob hole, I highly recommend this humbling experience. Who knew that a single restaurant meal can add up to over 1200 calories or more? I have clearly been kidding myself about how much I've been eating. So, the mystery of the clinging weight has been solved...now it's up to me to try and get a handle on my intake. I am into Week 4 of my 1/2 marathon training and despite having to RICE after every run due to ongoing grumblings post-injury, it's starting to feel fantastic. I forgot how much I NEED to run. Not only do I need that endorphin rush, but with summer vacation (read: all four kids home all day), crappy weather, and a house that is seriously on the verge of being condemned by the health department, ge...

My husband just recently took up running. I guess the 'if you can't beat, join it' mantra became too much for him to resist. I have a running partner already. She has been with me from the very beginning when I was retching on the side of the road after my first 10 minute run (I'm not shitting you). We've been through days and nights of training that involved weather so freaking cold that I thought my nipples would pop off. We've slogged through the rain, the sleet, the snow, the fog and now the heat of summer. We've never let each other down, always showing for that scheduled run no matter how busy, tired, hungover or cranky we were. And now my husband wants to run with me...and just me. With four kids, two dogs, a household to maintain, and my new obsession with running, there really hasn't been that much time or energy left over to devote to our marriage. I have to give him credit. He's always been supportive and accommodating. Even when I w...

Image via Wikipedia I ran the 5k Twilight Shuffle in Chemainus last night and lived to tell (barely). My time wasn't great but I am standing by the assertion that this was due solely to the fact that I am 'rehabbing' my stress fractured leg. In that spirit, I ran with my 8 year old daughter. Thinking that this would force me to keep a slow pace AND take many walk breaks, I completely underestimated the Energizer Bunny that is Cam. Anybody who has a young child knows that 'keeping up' with same child is a marathon in and of itself. Instead of taking it easy last night, I ran 30% faster than my tempo pace and had to practically beg my daughter to take one minute walk breaks, lest my leg completely snap in two. Looks like I'll be back to water running and cycling for a bit longer. Lesson learned. I think we have a new runner in the family.

Well, tonight we shall see if I have rested this darn stress fracture enough. Training for my next 1/2 marathon starts tonight with the Running Room and while I am really looking forward to finally getting back out there, I'm terrified that my leg hasn't fully healed and I'll be faced with the prospect of putting my running on hold longer than I had anticipated. I've dutifully spent the last few weeks doing everything but lace on my Mizunos and let me tell you, my family is probably more eager to see the ass-end of me running out the door than I am. I am such a BITCH when I don't get that daily run. Biking and swimming just haven't cut it I'm afraid. I'm not sure what it is about running that seems to screw my head back on but I know that I'm not the only one who needs it like a drug. If anyone has any suggestions/ideas to ease the transition, I would love to hear from you. Happy Trails everyone!

So,I got the new Wii game EA Sports Active . It's one of the new fitness games out there that are supposed to justify time spent on gaming rather than the important stuff (like laundry?). Anyway, I'm really going stir crazy not being able to run (see below) and having the attention span of a six year old, I need to add new sh*t to my fitness regimen all the time. I have a couple of these fitness games, one of the first being Wii Fit. I was on the waitlist for that sucker for a couple of months before I finally scored one. It's been fun, but not quite as challenging as I would like. So, when I read about the 30 day Challenge for EA Sports Active, I had to check it out. Well, I've done it twice now and HOLY CRAP! It's super easy to set up. You just plug in a few numbers such as height, weight, and age; design a funky Mii (avatar); and voila, a personalized training regimen is put together for you. You have the option of taking the 30 Day Challenge or tailoring your o...