I'll Give You a Bitch Wrinkle
I've been fuming, muttering and bitching for a couple of days now. Nothing new really but I think I'm justified this time. Behold this attempt at humour by Sarah Hampson of The Globe and Mail :
Welcome to Midlife, complete with Bingo Wings and Vampire Dinner Lips
In a nutshell, Ms. Hampson goes on to describe the 'cute' names that have been given to various body parts on a middle aged woman: bitch wrinkle, bingo arms, vampire dinner lips and diaper butt to name a few. If you need me to actually identify which body parts go with which moniker, you're too young to be reading my blog and should take your wrinkle-free butt elsewhere.
Call me vain and shallow, my loved ones frequently do, but I'm really having a tough time with this aging thing. Love it or hate it, eternal youth is the Holy Grail for a lot of women. I'd hate to put myself in that camp. I like to think of myself as far more centered and accepting of the changes that I'm noticing. But *fuck it* I'm NOT.
So, this article really pissed me off. I was embarrassed and a little bit humiliated as I identified with a few of these descriptions. I actually pulled that section out of the newspaper and stashed it in the bottom of the recycling bin lest my husband read it and take it upon himself to take inventory of my various body parts and their current state of decrepitude.
Not only is this article not very original or particularly humorous; it is completely one-sided. No discussion of men and the changes they go through as they age? Are we to believe that men stay firm and wrinkle free? Um please, even the one thing that can usually stand tall and straight throughout their lifespan needs a little help sometimes...hello Viagra!
So Ms. Hampson, thanks for betraying us and joining in with the mean-spirited teasing. It's hard enough looking in the mirror and seeing some important parts moving south, at least let me pretend that I'm the only one who notices them.
Welcome to Midlife, complete with Bingo Wings and Vampire Dinner Lips
In a nutshell, Ms. Hampson goes on to describe the 'cute' names that have been given to various body parts on a middle aged woman: bitch wrinkle, bingo arms, vampire dinner lips and diaper butt to name a few. If you need me to actually identify which body parts go with which moniker, you're too young to be reading my blog and should take your wrinkle-free butt elsewhere.
Call me vain and shallow, my loved ones frequently do, but I'm really having a tough time with this aging thing. Love it or hate it, eternal youth is the Holy Grail for a lot of women. I'd hate to put myself in that camp. I like to think of myself as far more centered and accepting of the changes that I'm noticing. But *fuck it* I'm NOT.
So, this article really pissed me off. I was embarrassed and a little bit humiliated as I identified with a few of these descriptions. I actually pulled that section out of the newspaper and stashed it in the bottom of the recycling bin lest my husband read it and take it upon himself to take inventory of my various body parts and their current state of decrepitude.
Not only is this article not very original or particularly humorous; it is completely one-sided. No discussion of men and the changes they go through as they age? Are we to believe that men stay firm and wrinkle free? Um please, even the one thing that can usually stand tall and straight throughout their lifespan needs a little help sometimes...hello Viagra!
So Ms. Hampson, thanks for betraying us and joining in with the mean-spirited teasing. It's hard enough looking in the mirror and seeing some important parts moving south, at least let me pretend that I'm the only one who notices them.
Comments
Crap.
I don't have wrinkles on my bum, but that's cause the cellulite owns it pretty much.
She should talk about how mens ears seem to get HUGE and their eyebrows are outta control man. And I've seen a few diaper butt men, too. : P
macey
You forgot that your spider-phobia necessitates that I do the recycling. (Quarterly, whether it needs it or not--what else were 4 car garages made for if not amassing recycling, right?) In future when you have something to hide, put it in the *middle* of the recycling, not the bottom. When the bin gets turned upside down and dumped, guess what? The item from the very bottom is now on the very top!
Or maybe you already knew this. It could explain the complete lack of incriminating material turning up in the bin. ;-)
Love you, always.
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